The Day Before Praticcum

My heart was pounding in a marching pace that I can't keep up
I was terrified.
This was just a day before the praticcum starts
Shouldn't be that bad.
But why I can't keep myself down?

It's 11.32pm of 29 March 2014, the day before my praticcum starts.
I had a very hard time sitting alone in the airport.
I have my emotion raging in rapidly at the very moment I stepped out from the car the drives reached the departure hall entrance.
I just met dad and mum for less than 24 hours and now I am leaving again. I couldn't breath.
I wanted hug but I was shy (why the hell I was thinking like that? I wasn't like that at at before)
I miss my parents and I knew I need their support on this matter.
But at the same time, I know they didn't even worry about me because they always thought their girl can do well in teaching since she has start teaching at a very young age (year 4).
And I have this same thought until I was on the way to the airport to KB.

I started to feel uneasy as I imagined myself lose and messed up.
As I sit in the starbucks, my mind started to blotted up sceneries of imagination.
Imagine myself lost in the progress, wrong in the process, tired and anger, bored and fail.
I quickly picked up my novel to read, to distract me from thinking too much.
It helps, but not much. Those sceneries that ranged my emotion keep floating back to my mind once I was unfocused on my reading.
It was scary.


I wasn't able to sit still in the boarding hall either.
I was still holding my novel, but this time, the focusing time are decreasing rapidly.
I started to think and worry about things, just to recheck if there's any to-do list I have missed in the holiday.
I couldn't find a thing, which makes me happy and worry at the same time.
happy if that's the true and worry if I am that stupid to even find out what I have missed out.
I couldn't sure which one is the truth so it scares me again,
and terrified me when the flight delayed, cause now I have more time to think of nonsense.

In the airplane, I was tired but hungry at the same time
Hungry because of my gastric problem, in fact I have no appetite to even look at the food.
I can't sleep well nor read well
As I was anticipating for the food, they made no intention of serving it while it was flying due to bad weather.
I searched at my bag and praise the Lord once I got myself an Appollo small cake.
Things starting to feel better when you have food (and sweet) in your body :)

I sent a message asking for prayers from mum.
I can never read in details when she reply to motivate me.
I know she means well,
but my eyes are always drools with tears if I ever take a long time reading them, so I don't.
Mum's words are powerful enough to motivates her child to stay strong, moved on, and don't be afraid.

After an one hour of express room-cleaning,
now I feel better.
11.58pm now.
I should probably get to sleep.
Wish me luck.
Happy Praticcum! :)

What is Best?

Sometime it's so hard to know how to be the best.
I wanna be the best but I couldn't
I thought I am the best but I'm not.
Confident is good, but it kills me sometimes.

People said "try your best" but I will say "I'll be the best"
How to be not so over confident when everything around you is things you don't think it's their best?
maybe i need to respect and appreciate what people's best.

That's something I need to learn from now.
No more over confident and looking down on people.